Airplanes don't always bring out the best in me...

I can't really say I HATE flying. Being in the air is cool. Amazing, even. It's just that I am terrified of all of the worst-case scenarios. The horror stories that we've all heard. The firey crashes. The falling into the ocean. The crashes that result in cannibalism. The hijackings...
Every time I get on a plane (and that was 6 times in the past 2 weeks), I have these conversations with myself. Luckily not out loud, but I bet my seatmates could read it in my face.

They go something like this:
"What's that sound? That can't be good!!" or "We have been waiting on the tarmac for 45 minutes. This CANNOT be good!!" or "Are we supposed to be descending so quickly?!?" and then I will rationalize with myself. "It's the safest way to travel. If you die, at least it will be with a bang (I chuckle at myself a little here). Millions of people do this everyday and they are FINE." and then I say, "but there are always exceptions. It has happened in the past. What makes you so special that it won't happen this time?" and back to me "The pilot doesn't want to die, either. He or she knows how to fly this thing (even though it seems physically impossible) and they want to get where you are going just as badly as you do" and on and on it goes. Sometimes the argument can last for the whole flight. Luckily I don't make myself physically ill over it (at least not badly enough to use the "special" bags!), but it bothers me that I feel this way.

I think my dad would call me a realist. Thinking through all the possibilities. To be honest, I think about crashing in a car most of the times I'm in one, too. Always wondering if today is the day. Some might call me cautious. These thoughts help me to be a better driver, and a more alert passenger (yes, I'm the idiot next to you actually paying attention to the safety demo/video and reading the "safety card located in your seat pocket"), but they also give me ulcers. I just call me afraid.

So last week, when I flew to a training course on "Customer Care", I really related when the speaker (JoAnna Brandi, see website link on the right of this page) talked about catastrophizers. That's what I am. I don't feel like a pessimist for most things. But I always do see the worst possible outcome in situations. I don't necessarily feel like that outcome would be personal and BECAUSE OF me, but I always think about the what-ifs. Forgive me, JoAnna, if this isn't exactly in the correct context, but here's something she said that changed my travel immediately, effectively, and really, just amazingly. She said to stop thinking about the worst case. Who knew it could be that easy, right? haha! But she also talked about visualizing the end. Seeing yourself off the ground and in the air smoothly, or landing perfectly. She wasn't talking about travel, but I immediately thought "fooey. It won't work for flying. I can't CONTROL the outcome, so how will visualizing make me handle the situation better?". See yourself SUCCESSFUL and you will have a better chance of success. I'd heard it before, but how could it work if you weren't the one taking the action to create success?
You know what? I decided to try it. Instead of visualizing me being in control of the flight, though, I visualized me being in control of my EMOTIONS. I thought about enjoying the flight, the pilot truly caring about my safety, and about the things I do like about flying. I want to be profound, but the truth is, it just worked. My stomach was not in knots at all, I was able to talk to the very interesting person beside me, but most of all, I was able to stop dwelling on me and the fear and the what-ifs, and just look out the window. For almost the entire flight from South Bend to Atlanta. And it was amazing. The first time I was able to contemplate how brave the Wright Brothers were. How brave every pilot is. How wonderful it is to be able to see so much of the earth out one tiny window. How amazing the road system in Indiana is. I mean, really. How did they make such perfectly square road systems without the benefit of overhead views? And then I went on tangents thinking about pioneers and how they knew where they were going without roads and only crude maps, and their bravery...and how each of those tiny houses had a story, and each person in them could be hurting (you know the statistics - 1 in 3 have this disease, 1 in 4 have this...). It just totally took the focus off of me.
And I was at peace. And awe. In an airplane. For the first time ever.
I think there's a lesson here about my life on the ground, too. Did you catch it? I hope so! Pass it on...