9 years ago today, my whole life changed. I guess it started the day before, really, when I went to the doctor for my 13 week checkup and they couldn't find a heartbeat for my precious baby (above is the xray they took to confirm the worst. She's there in the middle. No more life in her).
But today...September 18...today was the day my baby was ripped from my womb with the instruments of torture that most pro-choice advocates have never had the pleasure of actually encountering. It wasn't the pain of those that hurt the most, though - they gave me drugs for that. No, the real pain came from the resulting emptiness.
Not just in my womb, but in my heart.
I remember so many details about that day. Isn't that funny? I can't remember many of the joyous days since, but this day, I remember the sights, the sounds, the words, the expressions, the ache, the pain, the sadness.
I haven't done too much dwelling on this in the last few years. For some reason, it's really getting to me this year.
I want to write about all the good things that have come because of my experience - and many things have, surprisingly - but today all I feel is the grief, the empty arms, the heavy burden. Maybe I can write about the good things tomorrow.
Precious Rachael Elizabeth, Mommy loves you. I look forward to hugging you in heaven.
2 comments:
Personally, I think God allows us to remember and remember more because it's part of our healing. And because, as you said, she's a precious part of your life even if you didn't get to hug her here.
Thanks for including us in the journey!
Hey Rachel, you'll remember me, Uncle Trevor. I've sent you some messages via the prayerline. I am a little curious as to how those get delivered, I mean, I'm sure you get them, but do they go direct to you or do you have something like a mail call? Anyway, it's not important.
Like your Mom, I look forward to meeting you in the afterlife. Maybe you can get a 3-day pass or something. Dress for hot weather.
Love,
- Uncle Trev.
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